To say that the Hart family has been through a lot would be an understatement. Over the last ten years, they’ve walked the hard road of infertility, experiencing the highs, lows, and everything in between.
Auckland-based couple Jade and her husband James were high school sweethearts who always dreamed of having a picture-perfect family with two healthy kids. However, when it came time to try for a family, things didn’t unfold the way they had hoped.
After coming off the pill and a year of missing her period without falling pregnant, Jade was referred to a fertility clinic, where she was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome). This was the first of many challenges they would face as they continued to try for their first baby.
Jade was told her best chance of conceiving was to take a drug called Clomid, but after 10 rounds with no positive pregnancy test, she knew there had to be more to it. “I felt like everyone around me was falling pregnant. I went to so many of my friends’ baby showers, met their little bubs, and saw them fall pregnant again and again, even completing their families. I was always so happy for them but just so sad for us,” says Jade.
The next disappointment came after Jade underwent an HSG dye test (an X-ray to outline the internal shape of the uterus and check fallopian tubes). After months of waiting, they finally found out that both of her tubes were blocked. “The HSG was one of the most painful, sad, and despairing moments in my life, but I finally knew the reason I wasn’t getting pregnant,” shares Jade.
IVF became the next option for Jade, who was 33 at the time. She was put on the waitlist for a publicly funded round, and after nine long months of waiting, they began the journey that led to the conception of their son Leo after the second transfer! Although the couple was elated, their joy quickly turned to fear when Jade started bleeding during the first trimester and was told to prepare for the worst. “I was diagnosed with a subchronic haematoma. I was hospitalized twice, but Leo was a fighter,” says Jade.
At 39 weeks, Jade was induced due to baby Leo’s growth. “My labour took 18 hours, and I ended up having to have an emergency caesarean section as I had a fever, my epidural didn’t work, and I wasn’t dilating. Leo was finally born on the 29th of October, 2016, and he was just perfection! The journey was all worth it,” she shares.
Fast forward two years – Jade and James desperately wanted to give Leo a sibling and had been trying via IVF but experienced disappointment after disappointment, including three heartbreaking miscarriages, multiple failed transfers, and losing two embryos to thaw. Jade remembers feeling devastated. “You hear about people going through this stuff, but you never think it’s going to be you,” she shares.
The next blow came when Jade was diagnosed with Asherman’s Syndrome (a condition involving scar tissue in the uterus or cervix). “I was told my uterus was obliterated and the size of an almond. Tragically, this was caused by my first dilation and curettage (D&C) after my miscarriage,” Jade explains.
After a further diagnosis of an AV Malformation as a result of her second D&C, Jade was told that her best chance of having another child was to use a surrogate. “When I first heard that word, I was in shock. I couldn’t believe I was being told that this was my best chance, but I was willing to do anything,” she says.
After meeting with her fertility clinic and doing their own research, the couple decided it was their last chance at having another baby and began the surrogacy process. “I put my story out to those I trusted via an open letter on Messenger. This was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to write – I was asking for help with the almost impossible and was so unbelievably vulnerable. James had to hit the send button in the end, as I couldn’t bring myself to do it!” she shares.
After numerous sympathetic replies from friends saying they couldn’t help, Jade received a message from a childhood friend, Abby, saying she was interested in learning more. Abby already had three children, the youngest being just six weeks at the time. After almost a year of talking, they decided to take the leap and start their surrogacy journey. “I couldn’t have dreamt of a more perfect person to be my surrogate. Abby is just an absolutely beautiful soul – so caring, empathetic, and loving.”
The surrogacy process involved about seven months of intense counselling, interviews, medical and police checks, referees, and a huge amount of paperwork to finally get approved. “Abby and I were so positive that this was going to work. She had three beautiful, healthy children she had conceived naturally. Why wouldn’t it work?” shares Jade. “We prepared ourselves as best we could for the transfer, but we couldn’t help getting excited. We pictured her pregnant, the due date, our families hanging out, and how we would tell the kids.”
Jade was used to the two-week wait phone call from her fertility clinic. “It's excruciating, as you’re on edge all day, waiting for your life to be changed by this one single phone call.” Unfortunately, it was bad news, and Jade had to call Abby to tell her. “We were completely devastated, to say the least. She came over, and we just sobbed,” she recalls.
A week later, on James’ 40th birthday, Jade remembers having to go to his party, despite being completely broken. “I made myself get dressed up in a pink gown, got my hair and makeup done, and put on a brave face for my husband – my rock through all of these years.”
Just a few days later, Abby called and said that she and her husband felt like the journey wasn’t over and wanted to go ahead with another round. “We dived straight into round two, taking all of the right supplements, eating healthy, cutting out any toxins in our lives.”
With the second transfer, Abby fell pregnant, but the joy was short-lived. “It must have been one of the hardest moments of her life when she knocked on my door, sat me down, and told me that the nurse believed she was miscarrying. We sat there in shock, then it all hit me like a ton of bricks, and we sobbed together, grieving the child we so wanted to be blessed with,” says Jade.
They had one last embryo, one last shot, and Abby was keen to forge ahead and try again. “My heart was very guarded at this point. I couldn’t take another loss. It was affecting everything in my life – my relationship with my husband, being a mother to Leo, my job, our finances, friendships, and family. I had to pick myself back up, and with the support of my incredible network, as well as an amazing counsellor who specializes in infertility and loss, we forged ahead with the final transfer,” Jade says.
Abby did fall pregnant, but tragically history repeated itself. “It was my worst nightmare all over again. I was losing my fifth child, and this was it. This was my final chance. I was completely broken. I felt my world had been torn apart. All those years, all my hopes and dreams, came crashing down. I also felt extreme guilt that I had pulled Abby into this nightmare of a world that is infertility,” Jade explains. By now, Jade and James had come to the realization that Leo would be an only child. “I knew that we were so blessed to have him. I just had a hole in my heart that I knew would never be filled, and I just had to live with it,” she shares.
Just two months later, the impossible happened – Jade fell pregnant naturally. “I suddenly noticed some strange symptoms, like my boobs being really big! I thought to myself, why do you do this to yourself, Jade? You know you can’t get pregnant, but I secretly bought a pregnancy test, and there it was… two pink lines!” After almost ten years of trauma and loss, the couple was terrified of another tragedy. At around eight weeks pregnant, Jade thought it was all happening again. “I picked Leo up from his bath and felt a gush of something. Turns out it was blood and a lot of it. We rushed to the hospital, fearing once again the worst.” Again, Jade was diagnosed with a sub-chronic haematoma, as she had with Leo, but this time it was larger and close to the gestational sac. They were told by the doctors that the baby had a 50/50 chance of survival, but they held onto hope.
The Harts will never forget the 27th of October, 2021, the day that their long-awaited second son, Maximus (Max) Paradine Hart, came into the world and completed their family.
Now that Jade is on the other side of her journey, she hopes to help other women who are going through similar experiences by volunteering for Fertility NZ. Jade shares, “I wouldn’t be where I am today without all the kindness and support of other women who could relate to my situation. I’m so grateful to be in a position now to give back.”
