top of page

Living with Childlessness

If you’re reading this, it probably means you’re starting to think about where you draw the line on  family creation and fertility treatment, or perhaps you’ve had the line drawn for you, and you’re trying to figure out what next, in a society where so much of your identity – and community life - focuses around traditional family structures and the role of being a parent.

Strength and resilience

If you have a partner, this is likely to be a challenging time for both of you, especially as partners often arrive at decision points at different times. If your partner has an infertility diagnosis, they may feel guilty for your loss. Even the strongest relationships are challenged by fertility journeys, and we encourage couples to seek counselling to navigate this transition.

The strength and resilience you’ve shown so far is exactly what will support you as you create a new future. It will be different to the one you had imagined, but when you are ready for it, that same strength and courage will help you step forward to welcome new possibilities, probably many that you hadn’t considered before. Be kind to yourself, expect some grief “speed-humps”, and know that you’re not alone in your transition.


There is a community of strong and courageous individuals and couples that managed to draw the line, step over of it, and have found happiness in possibilities they hadn’t previously considered. Kia kaha.

Where to next?

A variety of circumstances may have led you here – from medical issues, to not having the right social support or meeting your partner at the right time, to practical issues like the eye-watering financial expense of assisted fertility treatment.


It is also likely that the emotional toll of having your life in limbo for too long and managing the emotional rollercoaster of infertility has taken up much of your time and energy.


However you arrived at this point, we are saddened that it has not worked out as you hoped.

Reaching the point of having to contemplate, and then plan for a future without children, isn’t easy. The sense of loss you may be feeling can be hard to describe to others who often don’t know how to respond.


You may even find that you find that those that have been part of this experience with you, process the loss differently and might be out of sync with the emotions you are feeling.