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How do people deal with the stress of it all?


Total Posts: 2
Joined: April 16, 2017

We have been ttc for 4 years now. We have gone through 4 IUIs with no success, one cycle of IVF (paid for) which also didn't work, then a FET which resulted in a chemical pregnancy. At this stage we are waiting for our free IVF cycle to come through which should be in the next few months. For the past few months we have just been taking it easy and still going to acupuncture but the stress of others getting pregnant all around me is getting too much. What do others do to deal with it? We are looking at counseling, do people who have been find it works? We have had many ups and downs throughout the years but you would think after all this time it would get easier but it doesn't.

Posted on April 16, 2017 at 6:47 PM
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10 Replies


Total Posts: 1
Joined: April 27, 2017

Re: How do people deal with the stress of it all?

I feel your pain completely. Hubby and I have been trying for exactly the same amount of time as you have. It is definitely a hard road as I have found out, and I did go to counselling and it helped a lot for me as it made me understand that basically I was going through a grieving process. I then went through everything in order for me to get to the acceptance part of that process which then meant I could live life more normally.
The other thing I did (which is easier said than done and also depends on your personal situation) is I forgot about TTC and focused on me and what i wanted to do with my life (other than having children of course). I ended up going back to post graduate study to follow my dream career, started my own business and achieved goals I never thought possible! This lead to a lot of self satisfaction and fulfillment.
Every situation is different though but I can definitely say counselling worked for me and hubby and I also ended up telling a lot of our friends about everything which lead to a lot of support and 'normalised' the situation a bit for us.
Please let me know how you get on and good luck! I have my fingers crossed for you smiling

Posted on April 27, 2017 at 6:38 PM


Total Posts: 2
Joined: April 16, 2017

Re: How do people deal with the stress of it all?

Thank you so much for your reply. We started going to counselling and just like you our counsellor told us that we pretty much have four years of grieving that we need to deal with. She has given us some suggestions around dealing with the emotions when they surface. I'm also getting into more regular yoga and meditation which is making me feel more calm. I have a very busy mind that I need to learn to control. Good luck to you too, it is always reassuring to know that there are other out there going what we are going through smiling

Posted on May 7, 2017 at 8:04 PM


Total Posts: 1
Joined: May 17, 2017

Re: How do people deal with the stress of it all?

I have to agree with 18amy81, the only way I am able to deal with it is to focus on my dream career which for me entails further studying. We have been trying for over 8 years with unexplained infertility. I have now been studying for the last 2 years and as I near the end of my studies, I find that I am less focused on trying to have children and more focused on what the future holds for me once I complete my studies. Saying this though, I have IVF treatment coming up in July and now all I think about is having a baby and am super nervous that it wont work. I has taken me a very long time to come to terms with not falling pregnant. IVF not working for us, quite possibly will start the grieving process all over again.

Posted on May 17, 2017 at 3:38 PM


Total Posts: 5
Joined: May 24, 2017

Re: How do people deal with the stress of it all?

I do on regular trainings and take yoga classes.
It helps me to cope with stress

Posted on May 24, 2017 at 7:06 PM


Total Posts: 2
Joined: December 30, 2017

Re: How do people deal with the stress of it all?

Stress badly affects conception process. The process of IVF is time consuming and exhaustive. The stress and anxiety during this time period can affect the success of IVF. To manage stress, meditation, yoga, massage etc are the effective ways. Keep communicating with your friends and family.

Posted on January 15, 2018 at 7:32 PM


Total Posts: 4
Joined: March 9, 2012

Re: How do people deal with the stress of it all?

I would say, IVF treatment is most time consuming and costly treatment for having baby.
You need to have really patient and positive during this treatments. You can feel really stressed out, to deal with this meditation is the best medicine. One can also read positive thinking books, join hobby classes which make you interests.

Posted on January 31, 2018 at 12:18 AM


Total Posts: 1
Joined: February 7, 2018

Re: How do people deal with the stress of it all?

hey dear, this is sad to read.You are right as the time passes it gets much and much worse for the two parents going through it.These procedures are time-consuming as well as costly too.I have gone through them but nothing has worked in my favor ever.The doctor I was consulting did not give me a good advice, he was more interested in making money for THIS clinic rather than satisfying the poor client, and as a result, I ended up having no child with overage as well.That was depressing you must understand that.At last, I am left with nothing else than having another female carry your child and now I might not be able to use my own eggs as well because the doctor says that they might be not that healthy so as devastating as it sounds my life has become a deep stress have anger inside me that why me?of all the people why me.There are times that I think of running into a wall or dying, like committing suicide but then I listen to my heart and try to accept it also I think about the people who are actually in my life and love me so there are good and the bad times both..but hoping best from the procedure though.

Posted on February 9, 2018 at 4:47 AM


Total Posts: 1
Joined: February 10, 2018

Re: How do people deal with the stress of it all?

I have found that counseling helps or even seeing a psychologist. The most important thing is that you click with the person you are seeing and they understand your needs.

One of the factors that is helpful during the IVF process - is having trust in your medical team and this only happens if they are understanding of your needs - in NZ this is not always the case with all clinics as infertility is first and foremost a business for them. More consumer advocates on the boards of fertility clinics will change the mindset of medical professionals and clinics. Sometimes you feel just like a patient and not a real person.

Posted on February 10, 2018 at 5:57 PM

FNZ Support

Total Posts: 47
Joined: July 18, 2012

Re: How do people deal with the stress of it all?

Good morning everyone,

Advocacy is one of Fertility NZ’s core functions and we always welcome feedback on ways that the NZ fertility patient experience could be improved. We have formal communication channels with all NZ clinics and this is a great mechanism for providing feedback in a way that is completely anonymous to the patient.

Providing feedback may help improve the experience for others walking a similar journey in the future. Our feedback to clinics has always been taken seriously and acted upon. Feel free to contact us at support@fertilitynz.org.nz with your feedback.

Kindest regards

Posted on February 13, 2018 at 9:31 AM


Total Posts: 4
Joined: December 28, 2018

Re: How do people deal with the stress of it all?

SHARRY - I read your words it was like I'd written it myself. Anger... what do you do with it?! I offered to chop some wood but my husband was too scared of me with an axe in my hands lol. I don't blame him. I am SO ANGRY. It's grief, I know that. BUT SO ANGRY!!!! It's not fair. We don't qualify for surrogacy which is what I wanted and also if you want donor embryos you still have to apply to the stupid ethics council and pay $3000 for the privilege. I hate everyone right now (thanks very much 10 years of TTC) I want to have counselling but too afraid. If I tell them what I'm really feeling they'll put me in the lunatic asylum. Went off topic but I'm sure you understand the rants as they come and go.

Posted on December 28, 2018 at 1:15 PM

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