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All my friends are pregnant

hopeful13

Total Posts: 1
Joined: July 10, 2012

Hi I have been battling with this for a while now and thought you guys might have some advice. I have had 2 failed IVF's with my eggs and one failed with a donor in April. I use to have no problem being around pregnant people or friends with babies but this year all my friends have become pregnant and I don't feel jealous, more inadequate and that I can not contribute to their discussions re kids. I feel like my life is too different. It also makes me really aware of my situation and then i get very down. I get very anxious prior to seeing them. I am truely happy for them. It seems easier to remove myself but I feel like I have lost my friends as well as my dreams. Any advice??

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Posted on July 11, 2012 at 12:56 PM

wholelottalove

Total Posts: 1
Joined: October 10, 2012

Re: All my friends are pregnant

Hi there,
I can't give you any advice but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, I have exactly the same experience with all my friends too. I have just had my last ever round of IVF (5 unsuccessful) and I am so lost now, I can't imagine how and when I will be able to be around my friends or even tell them how I am feeling. I feel so inadequate and lonely. I am desperate to talk to someone who has come out the other end of IVF without having a baby. There must be other people like me out there...unfortunately the support group where I live is made up of ladies who all have babies from IVF so I even feel inadequate in that group. It would be good to learn how to cope with our situation.

Posted on October 10, 2012 at 8:16 PM

lizf

Total Posts: 3
Joined: October 11, 2012

Re: All my friends are pregnant

Hi hopeful13, all my friends and it seems colleagues, relatives and everyone in the mall appears to have a baby, theyre everywhere it seems when you are trying, all you can see are the pregnant ones. As much as I try to be happy for others who must also have been anxiuosly trying, it is hard not to get down and feel a bit stabbed in the heart with every new pregnancy announced. I can only offer my support as we try too and know you are not alone.Good luck

Posted on October 11, 2012 at 9:15 PM

chouney69

Total Posts: 2
Joined: October 31, 2012

Re: All my friends are pregnant

I am in a similar situation and at the beginning of this year it really started to get me down, in fact so much so I went to a clinical psychologist. Her advice to me was just to be aware of my feelings (usually anger, envy, sadness) notice them and try not dwell on them.
I found it really hard at first as my usual response when I hear about a friend being pregnant or general baby talk is to start thinking about my own situation, that I'm a failure etc. Instead of doing this I tried to catch myself before I went down that train of thought. I am finding that it helps. I also think it's really important to think that how you feel is understandable/okay/normal and try not let to turn into negative thoughts about yourself.

Posted on October 31, 2012 at 9:55 PM

rapiti

Total Posts: 3
Joined: March 23, 2013

Re: All my friends are pregnant

Hi i have children and have for the last 10 years wanted 1 or 2 children to my current partner of 12 years. My age plays the biggest part of why i have not any.
But yes when my friends announce the arrival of there grand children i too feel lost, uncomfortable and depressed. As i still want and am hoping ivf will help me get what i want

Posted on March 23, 2013 at 3:49 PM

FNZ Support

Total Posts: 47
Joined: July 18, 2012

Re: All my friends are pregnant

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I feel your pain strangely enough I coped oddly well with it at first as most did not live in the same town as me so I could with the exception of endless baby pics on facebook keep it at arms length... that is until my brother in law had kids... and it became all my mother in law could talk about the weight off expectation was HUGE... backed into a corner and feeling very anxious cagey and uncomfortable about the whole topic I finally told her I could not cope with it any longer and said how I was feeling and why our secret was out... at first it was a relief and then the questions started... anyway 5 years later here we are again more siblings having babies and this time it is my brother which only makes it even worse... I am happy for them and my neice is such a beautiful wee baby but at the same time I feel inadequate less of a woman unable to relate and a bit left out... sometimes it feels like the whole world has children apart from you... heart breaking of all is seeing 16 year olds with babies they didn't even want with a young baby Daddy who doesn't want any responsibility all he wanted was sex didn't even consider it could make him a father... no money unable to provide for their children... I guess it makes you want to withdraw shy away from it distance yourself isolate yourself I have done all of those things I moved from Nelson to Invercargill on a whim unable to handle all the questions and the weight of expectation from family and friends who as soon as they have their children started giving us a nudge... comments all meant well but I was on edge and found the conversations really hard to deal with felt cornered and trapped then make my excuses and leave... I know wish I could have dealt with it a bit better some friends not understanding what it's like to go through something like this think I've gone a bit weird and turned into a hermit... others find me overly sensitive snappy and moody... usually take so much of it then reach breaking point and blurt out something I shouldn't or just leave before the tears start. I honestly don't know how I will cope with everyone feeling sorry for me if this doesn't work out for us I think that will just make it even worse

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Hi - Yes I can relate I can't help but feel jealous every time I hear a pregnancy announcement I can't help but feel jealous!! Don't get me wrong I'm happy for the couples when they announce but then after it starts to fade and I start to think and that's when the wave sadness hits...I must say I people just don't realise what it is like to go through this journey sad

currently I am 27 years old and all my friends have babies I am the only one who doesn't have children... It breaks my heart to see and hear all of this carry on and I can never join in on the conversation cause it's always about there kids.

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It is funny how everyone thinks their case is unique what we all need to realise is when you are coming to terms with infertility you go through all the stages of grief the first is shock the 2nd is denial the 3rd is anger... 4th is jealousy 5th is distancing yourself from other people who have kids incl your closest friends / family 6th is depression and despair feeling like knowone understands you... 7th is this is too hard you start to 2nd guess your decision 8th is emotionally numb... and various inbetween... you will cry over stupid things a post on facebook you will feel anxious esp when invited to a friends baby shower or being round lots of kids at Christmas for example... it is important to try and look outside yourself... do not expect your male partners to feel the same emotions you do often they react in a different way... however it still affects their manhood and they still fell the shame when their mates with kids ask them that question we all hate... for those of you who are not even 30 yet be grateful you are young and have plenty of time on your side those of us who are nearly 40 would love to be you smiling

Posted on September 3, 2014 at 1:16 PM

waitingforbaby

Total Posts: 10
Joined: August 31, 2014

Re: All my friends are pregnant

I can totally understand where you are all coming from. It's refreshing to see people who understand how much it hurts instead of the usual "it'll happen, just stop stressing" response. I get so annoyed when I see other people getting pregnant when it is unplanned or they are not ready (money, housing, health, lifestyle etc etc) but it really helps to remind myself that nobody chooses their reality. I also find it really helps if you have something to look forward to each month. I have done art classes, pedicures, and facials. I also find regular exercise really helps keep my mind healthy. If anyone wants to keep in touch and chat during your journey let me know smiling

Posted on September 24, 2014 at 7:53 PM

luckyelephant

Total Posts: 1
Joined: April 14, 2015

Re: All my friends are pregnant

hello all i am new to this forum and pleased to know that i am not alone on this journey. while i have been trying to conceive for five long years without success but had two ectopic prenancies and recent first failed ivf, i really hope that my upcoming second ivf will work out. it is difficult feeling that i am surrounded with 80% colleagues of mine are pregnant and non stop baby talking. although i am happy for them but i am really struggling on a daily basis. i wish everyone who read this post all the best!

Posted on April 14, 2015 at 8:13 PM

Helen83

Total Posts: 3
Joined: April 15, 2015

Re: All my friends are pregnant

Hi Luckyelephant,

I totally understand how you feel. While our journey has not been as many years I am just at that point in life when friends around me are starting to have babies. Im have reached a point where Im afraid to accept an invite to dinner with friends because Im scared one of them will announce they are pregnant. It is a strange yet awful feeling especially when my two brothers and their wives have already had 3 kids each and up until we started IVF it was not such an issue for me. I wish you and your partner the very best of luck and the same to anyone else reading this.

Posted on April 15, 2015 at 11:27 PM

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