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Living Childfree - what things did you do to help transition to a childfree life after treatment or trying didn't work?

loveners

Total Posts: 12
Joined: November 21, 2013

I noticed this article earlier in the month: http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/parenting/88842957/the-parent-tra...

And now that I'm on the other side, I agree. I am happier. But that transition period where one is giving up dreams & hopes of having a family is pretty blimmem awful for many. For me, it was a pretty wretched time & my relationship with my partner was under a lot of pressure.

So, to help others on this journey and still transitioning, I thought we could work up a list of all the things that can help transition to the other side...

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Posted on March 1, 2017 at 12:18 PM

loveners

Total Posts: 12
Joined: November 21, 2013

Re: Living Childfree - what things did you do to help transition to a childfree life after treatment or trying didn't work?

I'll kick things off.

1. Draw a line in sand (mentally or physically) and consciously decide to step over it & close the chapter behind you.

Posted on March 1, 2017 at 1:00 PM

loveners

Total Posts: 12
Joined: November 21, 2013

Re: Living Childfree - what things did you do to help transition to a childfree life after treatment or trying didn't work?

2. Find yourself a new project that you can look forward to. Perhaps save up for & plan a trip somewhere you have always wanted to go.

Planning is part of the fun & this bit can be started (even before you have $$ to go) right away. It will give you something in the future to look forward to.

Posted on March 1, 2017 at 1:02 PM

loveners

Total Posts: 12
Joined: November 21, 2013

Re: Living Childfree - what things did you do to help transition to a childfree life after treatment or trying didn't work?

3. Wine and cocktails. After so long of not of not drinking anything alcoholic, I made up for some lost time ;)

Posted on March 11, 2017 at 9:31 AM

loveners

Total Posts: 12
Joined: November 21, 2013

Re: Living Childfree - what things did you do to help transition to a childfree life after treatment or trying didn't work?

4. Counselling. Don't be afraid to reach out and get help from a professional. They really can help.

Posted on March 22, 2017 at 5:16 PM

loveners

Total Posts: 12
Joined: November 21, 2013

Re: Living Childfree - what things did you do to help transition to a childfree life after treatment or trying didn't work?

5. Add up the amount if $ you might have spent on diapers in a week and splurge on something you'd love for yourself.

Posted on April 5, 2017 at 5:25 PM

loveners

Total Posts: 12
Joined: November 21, 2013

Re: Living Childfree - what things did you do to help transition to a childfree life after treatment or trying didn't work?

6. Broaden your social circle. Join a "meet-up" group (seehttp://www.meetup.com) or enrol in a night school course to learn a new skill & new people. Just be ready for that "do you have kids?" killer question. A friend gave me her line to reply with: "Sadly, no" and then move onto the next topic.

Posted on April 12, 2017 at 8:46 PM

loveners

Total Posts: 12
Joined: November 21, 2013

Re: Living Childfree - what things did you do to help transition to a childfree life after treatment or trying didn't work?

7. Practise mindful gratefulness for the moments in your life when having a child in the mix would have been difficult or challenging.

e.g. when you've had a hellish day at work & get to come home and vegetate on the sofa rather than deal with screaming/rowdy children.

Posted on May 4, 2017 at 7:21 AM

loveners

Total Posts: 12
Joined: November 21, 2013

Re: Living Childfree - what things did you do to help transition to a childfree life after treatment or trying didn't work?

8. Email FertilityNZ & ask to be put in touch with others that are also transitioning to a childfree life. Express your interest in a closed FNZ Facebook support group.

Posted on May 10, 2017 at 6:30 AM

loveners

Total Posts: 12
Joined: November 21, 2013

Re: Living Childfree - what things did you do to help transition to a childfree life after treatment or trying didn't work?

9. Find other ways to do the things that you might have enjoyed if you had been a parent. I love Christmas and not being able to fill up Christmas stockings does make me a little bit sad. So this year I participated in the Shoebox Christmas (you can find out more about it by googling or checking FB).

This year, through the Shoebox Christmas, I was allocated 6 kids (you don't have to do that many) that wouldn't normally have a great Christmas. I got a list of their interests and was able to go Christmas shopping for them. It was heaps of fun and a good way of not missing out on something that would have brought me joy if I'd been a parent.

Posted on November 4, 2017 at 6:21 AM

loveners

Total Posts: 12
Joined: November 21, 2013

Re: Living Childfree - what things did you do to help transition to a childfree life after treatment or trying didn't work?

ps - us childfreers aren't going to be lonely for long. See these interesting stat predictions:

http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/parenting/family-life/98325547/ch...

Posted on November 4, 2017 at 6:23 AM

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