Fertility NZ is a registered charity dedicated to providing information, support and advocacy to people experiencing fertility issues.

Viewing 1 to 2 (2 Total)
Using a family member as donor


Total Posts: 1
Joined: May 5, 2017

Hi, my husband and have just gone on the waiting list for pubic funding, I have recently discovered I have chromosomal abnormality which has put me in menopause at 34. One of my cousin's has blown me away by offering to be a donor, so we are just starting the process of getting her on the system. We have spoken to a counsellor, but wondered if anyone here has used a family member (or if you have donated to a family member) and how you went about telling other family members, the donors children, your children etc, and how your relationship with your donor changed, if at all? Any information about all this would be great.

Posted on June 18, 2017 at 10:17 PM


Total Posts: 1
Joined: April 28, 2015

Re: Using a family member as donor

Hi Guys,

How generous of your cousin. My partner and I were also on the receiving end of such generosity a couple of years ago which resulted in us having our daughter in February last year. I cannot help you with the family side of it, but we did have a relationship with our egg donor so probably quite similar. I think it was of huge help to us to have close contact with the clinic councillor, as they are a wealth of knowledge when it comes to the process, the emotions, and any fears that may come up along the way. For me personally I needed to grieve the loss of my fertility and this was a hard process as we had already started the donor egg cycle. I found it important to be really open about my feelings with the donor and encouraged her to do the same. We also felt it was a good idea to be really clear about contact with our daughter and when once she was born and in the years to come telling her children ( our daughters half brother and sister ). We were open with both sides of our families and the response was great from both, all parties new what we had been through and this was the only option left to us. Our donor did not and has never felt any connection to our daughter, I think a lot of connection comes from the carrying of the baby, but that is not to say the connection is not there for surrogate recipients. We asked the our donor gave us the first 2 months to ourselves to bond as a family and settle in and in hindsight this was a great idea and worked really well for all concerned. We now have regular contact as have lots of mutual friends and it has never been uncomfortable, In fact we are considering using her as our baby sitter! lol. We intend on being open with our daughter and all biological family members as she grows up, and will follow the advice of the councillor as to timing and so on. This Journey has been different to most and my journey as a mother will be different to most as will our daughter's family circumstances, and that has changed how I have chosen to parent her to be sure the bond is super strong and everything we do we consider how it will help her understand this as she grows. I personally have absolutely no regrets not a single one about using a donor egg to achieve motherhood and would recommend it to any one where there is no other option. My daughter could not be more mine if she was conceived in the traditional way. She is 100% my daughter and our donor feels the same way. There are also some interesting studies coming through called Epi Genetics, and it is around the carrying of a donor egg and the genetic connections that do exist from the mother carrying the child. This explains why the child often resembles the carrying mother, everyone commented from day one even those that had no idea how much she looks like me. They believe the womb has a much larger impact on the development of a baby than they ever realised. Really interesting reading. I wish you all the luck in the world and all the joy that has come to our lives since our daughter was born. Please don't hesitate to keep in touchsmiling

Posted on July 11, 2017 at 11:57 AM

Please log in to report any forum abuse.