Spilling the beans

Spilling the Beans

Its time for you to tell your friend or family member that you or someone else close to you both is pregnant.  Many people simply want to protect those affected by infertility and often in protecting them inappropriate choices are made.  Here are some tips:

• Make sure you do let them know, just think about the most appropriate way.
• Do not let them be the last to know, if they find out from someone else they will be hurt beyond belief.
• If they are aware you have been trying to conceive, ask them straight how they would like to hear the news when you are successful.
• Even though it seems impersonal, if you word it correctly, an e-mail or letter might be a nice way:

“Hi Suzy

I am writing to tell you of our news.  I wanted you to be one of the first to know that Paul and I are going to have a baby.   I am 12 weeks pregnant and due on Christmas Day!

I chose to write to you as I know just how much our news must affect you guys and how sad you must feel about your own journey right now.

I know you will be very happy for us but just wanted to give you guys a little time to digest this information in your own space and time.

We won’t be offended in any way if you are not in touch immediately, take your time, I know you are there for us as we are for you.

Thinking of you…..”

Another nice way of telling someone is doing it (if you can) face to face at their home.  The reason for home – because often a couple or affected person can have a physical reaction to this news, they would like to be in a safe place e.g. if you call and tell them at work, some have no place to hide if they burst into tears or have another negative physical reaction to this news.

Acknowledge all the points above (in letter), keep it nice and short and allow the couple to congratulate you in their way.   Don’t stay too long unless it is obvious the couple want to know more or further engage in conversation and your lovely news.

If you get a negative reaction to any of these methods, again do not take it personally, it simply emphasises what the affected couple may be facing.  They also will not mean to hurt your feelings.  Who knows, they may have just had a call from the clinic to tell them their pregnancy test was negative again for the 50^th time!

Fertility treatment for those who have not gone through it, can also be a little like deciphering a science fiction digest.  We have attempted to explain various types of treatment and terms in this website to enable all people to understand.